“Things are going too well… something bad must be coming.” “I am just waiting for the other shoe to fall!”
Sound familiar? Many of my clients lately have been processing this fear and it inspired me to write about it!
If you’ve ever had that sinking feeling right after a moment of happiness or a breakthrough, like a storm looming just beyond the horizon, you are not alone. This mindset is so common it even has a name: “waiting for the other shoe to fall.”
While the phrase may sound innocent or even humorous, the reality is that many high-functioning, high-achieving, and deeply self-aware individuals spend years, if not decades, living in this anticipatory anxiety state. It’s emotionally draining, physically taxing, and often sabotages joy, connection, and progress.
As a therapist and coach with over 25 years of experience, I’ve seen how this “waiting mode” silently robs people of their peace and potential. I’ve also seen what happens when you learn to step out of that fear loop and into grounded trust.
What Does “Waiting for the Other Shoe to Fall” Mean?
This expression comes from early 20th-century apartment living. One person would drop a shoe on the floor, and the person below would brace for the inevitable second drop. Over time, it became a metaphor for expecting something bad to happen after something good occurs.
In psychological terms, it’s a form of anticipatory anxiety. This is when your nervous system is constantly preparing for disaster, even when nothing is wrong.
Why Do So Many People Struggle With This?
This can feel like self-protection.
Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that hope is dangerous. That getting excited sets us up for disappointment. That joy is “too good to be true.”
This belief system didn’t just appear out of nowhere. It’s often the result of:
- Childhood unpredictability (divorce, emotional neglect, trauma)
- Burnout from past betrayals or losses
- High-achieving culture that celebrates struggle over peace
- Hypervigilance from anxiety or past trauma
- Cultural messages that say “don’t get too comfortable”
So instead of settling into safety, many people live in what I call “emotional crouch mode” where they are ready to flinch, fight, or flee at the first sign of loss.
How the Cycle Works:
- Something good happens: a new job, a great relationship, a season of peace.
- Instead of leaning into joy, the mind starts scanning for danger:
“This can’t last.” “What’s the catch?” “What if I lose it?” - The body follows suit: cortisol rises, muscles tense, sleep gets disrupted.
- The joy is muted, if not completely erased, by constant emotional bracing.
This cycle becomes so familiar that calm itself starts to feel threatening. You might even find yourself subconsciously sabotaging good things because chaos feels more “normal” than peace.
What It Looks Like in Real Life
- You’re in a healthy new relationship, but instead of enjoying it, you’re hyper-focused on when they’ll lose interest or hurt you.
- You finally hit a business milestone, but instead of celebrating, you feel a wave of dread: “What if this all falls apart?”
- You’re having a good day, and that inner voice whispers, “Don’t get too comfortable.”
This internal alarm system is trying to protect you, but it’s outdated and running on fear, not truth.
The Emotional Cost of Living in “Brace Mode”
Living in a constant state of “waiting for the other shoe to fall” isn’t harmless. It comes with real consequences:
- Joy becomes fleeting
- Relationships suffer because you’re always guarded
- Opportunities pass you by because you’re too busy managing risk
- Your nervous system stays dysregulated, leading to fatigue, chronic tension, and burnout
- You feel disconnected from the present moment, always scanning the horizon instead of living now
In short: you’re surviving, not thriving.
So How Do You Stop Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop?
The good news is that this pattern can be rewired. Just like with any mindset shift, it takes practice, compassion, and intentionality.
1. Acknowledge the Pattern Without Judgment
Start by naming it. “I notice I’m bracing for something bad, even though things are okay right now.” That’s powerful awareness, and the first step in disrupting the automatic loop.
This isn’t about shaming yourself for feeling anxious. It’s about gently guiding your nervous system back to the present.
2. Regulate Your Nervous System
Your body needs to learn what safe feels like again. Tools that help:
- Walking (especially outside) – it’s the healthiest movement for the nervous system
- Deep belly breathing – try a 4–6–8 rhythm (inhale 4, hold 6, exhale 8)
- Progressive muscle relaxation
- Cold water exposure – even a splash on the face helps
- Grounding routines – morning rituals, movement, nature
These aren’t just “wellness hacks.” They are the bridge between fear and safety, between hypervigilance and grounded presence.
3. Talk Back to the Fear Voice
When the anxious thoughts come up, substitute with grounding, accurate thoughts:
- “It’s safe for me to enjoy this.”
- “Good things don’t mean bad things are coming.”
- “I’ve survived hard things. I don’t have to live in fear of them anymore.”
Affirmations like these train your brain to expect stability and joy, not chaos.
4. Ask Yourself: “Is This Fear or Intuition?”
Sometimes fear wears the mask of intuition. The difference?
- Fear is loud, urgent, and catastrophic.
- Intuition is quiet, steady, and grounded.
If your thoughts feel like a runaway train then it is fear, not wisdom.
What Happens When You Let Go of the “Other Shoe”?
When you are able to reframe your thinking patterns, you reclaim your power. This then will help you stop self-sabotaging and stop shrinking your joy. Once you are able to make this shift, you will begin to live in the present, instead of the past you are still healing from or the future that fears you. You find that you begin to believe that it is safe to feel good, trusting in the moment and allowing yourself to receive the amazing opportunities and relationships that find you.
A Final Word: You Deserve to Breathe Easy
If you are living your life waiting for the other shoe to fall, I want you to hear this: you do not have to trade joy for safety or feel you need to be “on guard” to be protected. This is the time to live your life and step into an abundant, confident mindset, allowing yourself to evoke the energy that will attract many amazing opportunities that you are truly worthy of receiving.
If this feels like your story, I would be honored to help guide you through this mindset reshift. You don’t have to navigate the work of retraining your brain alone. Together, we can identify the thought patterns that keep you in a state of fear, and replace them with grounded, empowering beliefs. Using evidence-based tools, along with neuroscience-based tools, compassionate coaching, and practical daily strategies, I’ll help you create a life where peace feels safe, joy feels sustainable, and you no longer live waiting for the other shoe to fall.
About Us
Step Into Your Power with Crystal Perdue Coaching for Growth, Healing & Transformation. I’m Crystal, and I’m here to guide you through a journey of self-discovery and personal evolution. My approach blends therapeutic insight with practical coaching to help you move past emotional roadblocks and toward your most authentic self.
Struggling with self-doubt? Seeking clarity? Ready to grow? Let’s take the first step together.
Schedule your session today and start building a more empowered you.
